Here I was again, lying in a heap on my bed, fully clothed, sun streaming in through the window, sobbing. My partner sitting beside me, not sure what is wrong, or what to do to console me. Moments earlier, I had been sitting quietly at my desk in the kitchen looking at my finances, as I did every week. And just like every other week the outlook was bleak.
I didn’t know what to do, how to change it, what I had done wrong, or what exactly the consequences were going to be. I just knew that I was completely weighed down with the stress of trying to make ends meet. The responsibility laid on my shoulders like sandbags, making my trek up the self employment mountain slow arduous work.
I feel a little embarrassed now of how many times stress, worry, and fear crumpled me into a sobbing heap on my bed. How many times my partner had to look into my red, puffy, and snotty face trying to understand this visceral reaction I had to money – or rather my lack of it.
The fear, the anxiety, the physical feeling in my body of impending doom, is what motivated me to take massive action and turn it all around. I needed to avoid that pain. It was killing me.
The massive action I took was to spend more money. And a lot of it.
I took a leap of faith. The only real reason I was able to launch myself headfirst into that choice, was because of the confidence I felt that it was the right choice.
So many of my clients come to me with the questions “How do I choose? How do I know I’m making the right choice? What should I do?”
Ultimately what it boils down to is a deep knowing of ourselves, what we need, and what we value. Sprinkled with some deep intuitive wisdom that trumps our logical minds.
We all need the same things. What makes us different from one another is how much weight we put on those needs, and how they are influenced by our values.
Each of our needs is associated with a Chakra in our bodies, and this is how we can tap into our intuition and deeper knowing of what is right.
So let’s say that we are built up of your Chakras. 7 different energetic centers in the body that create the beautifully prismatic and complex beings that we are. Yet to exist as a sum of these parts, we have needs that must be met. Each Chakra represents a different set of needs, and the moment one or more of our needs are not met, we feel off. Like a light inside of ourselves has been switched off, our prisms don’t sparkle, and we may even start spinning in circles, unable to move from the spot that we’re in.
This feeling of being “off” leads us to crave and desire something different. We know we need to do something, but what? So we search. Our eyes begin to look for answers to our wobbly existence, for a solution to our discomfort.
We have Values. We know what we like, and what we don’t. What we tolerate, and what we won’t. We know what is important for us to cultivate in our life experience, and what we want to avoid at all costs. Our values begin to look like a set of confused instructions towards our happiness. We turn them around and upside down, trying to figure out what they mean and how to use them to get us out of this dark place.
When I was experiencing regular sob fests, all I knew was that I was scared. Scared of the consequences of my financial mess. I was afraid that my bills would not be paid. That I’d have to give up possessions and a lifestyle that I loved. Mostly, I was afraid of being a failure and a burden to anyone else. I was worried that in my mess, I would be too much to handle for my partner, and he’d decide life was easier without me.
We have 7 Chakra Needs:
- Muladhara: The need for Certainty, stability, and security.
- Svadhisthana: The need for Variety, change, and stimulation.
- Manipura: The need for Significance, to feel special, and worthy of attention.
- Anahata: The need of Love and Connection, to love, and be loved.
- Vishuddha: The need to Grow and Expand.
- Ajna: The need to Contribute, to give beyond ourselves.
- Sahasrara: The need to feel a Connection to Divinity, within ourselves, and within all of creation.
I was feeling completely uncertain of my situation. I had no idea what path I was on and it scared the shit out of me.
However, my other needs were being met at a high level. I had begun a new and exciting path. I experienced variety in the work I was doing. I felt like I was good at what I did and this helped me to feel special. I was surrounded by love. I was learning more about the subjects that I found interesting, and about myself. I was helping others, and I was deepening my spiritual practice.
I knew that I needed to feel more certainty. While I was wandering around in my fear, certainty looked like I needed to make more money.
Then one day I had what I call my big idea. As I was open to miracles, the universe placed before me a path of breadcrumbs. They lead to this big idea and I lifted my head from my fear and saw a beautiful golden path before me. And that path included investing into myself.
So now I know, I’m feeling uncertain, I need to make more money to find stability in my life, and the direction I want to go in includes spending some big bucks. So how did I gain the courage to make that investment, even though it seemed to be counter to the problem at hand?
I know my Values. I know myself. I let myself drop out of my head and into my body. I knew that the wisdom in the answer went beyond the pros and cons, the numbers, the logical mind. I know that there are no wrong choices. That indecision is in itself a choice. So I let my intuition tell me – does this choice feel exciting and aligned with where I want to go? Or does it perpetuate my fear and my anxiety, making it all feel worse?
We must begin with a deeper knowing of ourselves. Without this, how can we ever be certain of anything?