Part Two: How to Have Difficult Conversations
In my previous post, I shared some key information about the 4 phases women live through each month. If you missed it, check it out here.
It’s great to know all this about ourselves – but what are we supposed to DO with this information? Well one tangible way, is to know and respect your capacity to communicate gracefully, clearly, and persuasively during some moments of the month, and to honour the moments when you may need to zip it, and just listen with an open heart.
For example, in the story I told in my previous post, I have needed to relearn how to harness the power of these phases when having a Difficult Conversation. Don’t tell me you haven’t had one of those, I know you have 😉 And I also know that it probably hasn’t always gone well. So let’s see how we can do better.
So let’s say during menstruation (or even a few days before it) you get super upset about something (sound familiar?) You’re pissed off, hurt, and so fed up that you’ve come up against this thing AGAIN, and you just want to rip into that other person and tell them enough is enough! Like I did in my kitchen that day (read part one of this blog series to hear the story.)
In menstruation we identify that something is off. Our emotions are telling us something needs to change.
WHAT TO DO?
Use this time to REFLECT on the problem and to identify the best possible outcome of change.
DON’T speak! Keep it to yourself. Your communication skills are at their weakest at this time so it will be extra challenging to make your point clearly and effectively. You’ll also be more likely to create a conflict than to cultivate a constructive space of change and healing.
If you find yourself in a difficult conversation initiated by someone else,
DO listen deeply and attentively. Let you the other person know you’ve heard them and seen them. Let them know you’ll take some time to process what they have said, and you’ll get back to them another time if that’s required.
During follicular begin to brainstorm the possible solutions to this problem. Creativity is high, problem solving accessible and since the emotions are being tempered down, there is more clarity and more opportunity to take responsibility in the situation.
WHAT TO DO?
DO take the time to think it through.
You’re at your best for communicating your thoughts and feelings. You will also be most likely to be well received. You are magnetic, irresistible, and charming right now!
WHAT TO DO?
DO ask for what you need – can you think of a better time??? Whenever possible, choose to have those difficult conversations during Ovulation. You may be surprised at how well it goes now that you’ve identified the “problem”, taken time to brainstorm the solutions, and now can clearly make your case.
Once the difficult conversation has been had, luteal becomes the time to implement what you’ve discussed and decided upon. Not only will you be actively participating in the change that you seek, but you’ll have the strength at the beginning of this phase to sink your teeth into it and do the work. As you approach your next menstruation, the time will re-emerge to assess if you have achieved the desired outcome.
WHAT TO DO?
DO take action! Now that the problem has been solved theoretically, it’s time to test it out!
So now I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever felt the need to have a difficult conversation during your menstruation, and how well (or not) did that conversation go? When you’re ovulating (about mid cycle) have you noticed that folks respond better to you? Share your stories in the comments below!
Do this NOW: Take note of where in your cycle you are. If you have a hard time keeping track of things, download an app on your phone to track your cycles. A good app will gather the data each month and help you predict when your next period is likely to arrive as well as highlight the possible moment of ovulation. Knowing where you are in your cycle is the first step to harnessing the unique qualities available to you at any given time of the month.
In part 3 of this series, I’ll share with you a handy tool that we’ve been using in our household that helps my husband work with me no matter where in my cycle I’m at. It’s been such a blessing to have him as an ally as I connect more deeply to my bodies deep feminine wisdom. Now when he’s wrong.. or I’m wrong… 😉 our conversations don’t blow up like that day in our kitchen. They happen with much more Grace, and I’m not worried about my son seeing me act in a way that I’m not proud of.
Know a woman who could really use this to help her feel empowered? Please share this post with her!