In the Driver's Seat

I used to be a seriously nervous driver.  True story, once I was so nervous to parallel park my car on my busy street with all those impatient drivers behind me, I practically drove up onto the lawn, ran upstairs to get my then husband so that he could park the car, while I crumbled onto the floor in a full blown panic attack.

Fun times.

When I first got my license at 16 years old, my mom tried to show me how to drive her manual transmission car only for us both to throw the towel in as we shook with the stress of it.   So I only drove occasionally for years.  I couldn't drive moms car, I drove my dads car only when he handed over the keys for fun, and then later when my partner had a car I used it only on the weekends to do the groceries.  

So flash forward a few years.  I was single with no car.  I had recently left my corporate job where I could bus and metro my way to one single location for the day, and was now running around to different yoga studios, corporate clients, private clients' homes, and spas.  In one day I could spend more time on public transit than I did actually working!

One Saturday in the middle of a Montreal February, after a heavy snowfall, I found myself waiting at a bus stop with two yoga mats strapped to my back, a bag full of changes of clothes, a packed lunch, dinner, and snacks.  I was weighted down with my work stuff for the day, and had trudged myself through still uncleared knee deep snow.  I had already been to a private yoga clients home, was heading to the spa to see a massage client, and after that was going to run to the yoga studio to teach a couple of group classes.  It was getting RIDICULOUS.  I was exhausting myself, and things were getting increasingly complicated to run around like this, waiting for late buses, to transfer into metros, and walk around with my life strapped to my back.

I needed a car.

So while I waited there in the cold I pulled out my phone and opened up Facebook.  I kid you not, at that exact moment, with that exact thought running through my mind, I now saw a post from an acquaintance - she needed to transfer the lease on her car as she was taking a job outside of the country for a year.

I messaged her.  It was a brand new little hatch back.  Her lease payments were extremely affordable.  The lease transfer could be done in a week.

The catch?  It was a manual transmission.  I didn't know how to drive manual.  The last time I tried was in that parking lot with my mother 15 years earlier.  When we both decided it was too stressful to try again.  

I was a nervous driver with an automatic car.  How was I going to drive a manual one?  Without a partner at home to bail me out if I got freaked out?

We met.  She patiently showed me the ropes.  We got all the paper work done, put the new plates on, and it was time for me to drive my new car home.  A mere 2 kilometres.  On city streets, with traffic lights, stop signs, and many other impatient drivers around.

I stalled several times.  People honked.  My hands shook.  My heart pounded.  But I got that car home.  I even parallel parked it on my street.  Then I went upstairs into my apartment, sat on my bed and rocked myself back and forth.  I was a nervous wreck.

Then I made a promise to myself. I would drive that car EVERY SINGLE DAY until I was no longer afraid of it.  I would not chicken out and take the metro if there was a snow fall.  I would drive it to the flipping corner store if I had to, but I was going to to drive it EVERY DAY.  So I did. 

Guess what?  I figured it out.  My confidence grew.  Eventually, I began to LOVE driving manual.  I zipped around the city like it was no bodies business, parallel parking and waiting at lights on hills. For 4 years, I drove that car to almost every client appointment and yoga class. 

A commonly mistaken belief is that confidence is a requirement to taking action.  Let's correct that mistake.  Confidence is a result of taking action.

I know, because I've experienced it in moments like the one above, and because I've seen it with my clients, that we NEED to start before we feel ready.  You can't research, ask around, and prepare enough to build the confidence to go after your dreams.  You need to take action.  You need to TRY.  Will you fail?  Yes.  Likely.  You'll stall, you'll get into a fender bender, and you'll likely feel a little embarrassed.  (Or a lot like that time I tried to drive away with the parking brake on and another driver had to point it out to me).  That is the only way you'll learn how to do better.  What to do differently to get a better outcome, and how to build the confidence that you actually know what you're doing.

Confidence is not a requirement to taking action.  Confidence is a result of taking action.

This is the core of what most of my coaching clients come to me for.  Yes they need some clarity, and ideas on what actions to take.  But ultimately, together, I help them take leaps of faith to build their confidence to fly solo.  

What would you do, if you adopted this belief for yourself?

If you're ready to take action in your life, book a life coaching session with me.  In one session, everything can change.