I failed my exam - Twice
I will be taking a level one course in Lymphatic Drainage massage in just a couple of weeks. Before the practical in person portion is an online theory component complete with examination process. Being the impulsive and sometimes over confident person I am, I decided to rush through the training videos and jump head first into the exam. Surprise surprise I failed. So I tried again - and failed again!!!! Not surprising - I hadn't even looked at the textbook yet.
I quickly saw that I made my failures mean something about my value.
This content isn't easy for me:
It's very scientific with terms my mind just can't retain
The delivery of the content is dry and humourless
The examination process relies on my ability to recall specific details
It requires a skill I have never developed - to STUDY
At first I told myself:
I must be stupid to not be able to "get" this stuff
How could I be so foolish as to take the exam before gathering all the data I needed
This new level of learning is not for me - I'm just not good at it
I didn't just fail the exam- I AM a failure.
It can be so easy to tell ourselves all the horrible things that keep us down - but what would a friend say to you? Would they tell you you are a fool, or would they try to help you feel better about yourself and help you see things in a brighter more positive way?
I decided to be that friend to myself. I used a powerful tool from my coaching toolbox - shifting perspective.
Instead of focusing on how this made me look and feel bad, I did this:
Identify the ways in which I have IMMENSE value. For me I reminded myself of the positive, powerful impact I have with my clients. They don’t come to me because I know anything about cellular transport, the specific qualities of clinical lymphedema, or what a macrophage is. They come to me because I am EXCELLENT at holding space for them Whether I support my clients through the grief process, in the aftermath of a major medical event, or in a brief reprieve from taking care of a young baby at home, I hold the space that they need to re-center themselves, feel better in their bodies, and more balanced in their minds and hearts. I do have value, and this examination process doesn’t change that.
What CAN I do about it? There is an opportunity to take the exam again. But this time I’m going to more slowly digest the online content, and I’m going to actually study the textbook. I may not have solid study skills, but I CAN try harder this time.
What do I need to let go of? So I failed the exam twice. Once I pass it on my third attempt, will it matter that I failed twice? Will it change my ability to perform this massage well for my clients? Absolutely not - in fact I am confident that once I’m in person learning the practical side of this content, I will feel far more in my element. So let it go.
I won’t be rushing into my third try - I have some textbook reading to do! But I assure you, I’ll be better prepared. Wish me luck!
